It has sometimes happened to us that our children don't want to go to school because their tummy hurts. The reality is that this symptom may be real but it is possible that the cause is psychological or emotional. In the following article, we explain it to you.

My son doesn't want to go to school: how to know if he is bad or if he is doing it


Eva loves going to school and sharing a desk with Marta, her best friend. But one morning she said that her stomach hurt and she didn't want to go to class. The pediatrician examined her and ruled that she had nothing. The next day, the story repeated itself, and her mother, suspecting that the girl had a problem, asked her about her friend Marta. Eva began to cry and told him that she had quarreled. Her mother went to talk to her teacher, and she brought the two girls together the next day. As soon as they made peace, the pain in his stomach disappeared as if by magic.


Eva's case is an example of what often happens to children. When they are not able to express their psychological discomfort, it is the body that speaks for them: it can be a stomach ache or headache, vomiting, fatigue... The discomfort is real, but the cause is not a physical ailment, but a worry or a fear. Sometimes these symptoms last and affect the child's health; This is what doctors call somatizations or psychosomatic diseases.


What exactly is somatization?

When we talk about somatization in children we are referring to the manifestation of physical symptoms without any identifiable organic medical cause. These symptoms can be headache, abdominal pain, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, muscle pain, and other physical discomforts that, as we have said, cannot be fully explained through medical tests.


So, rather than a medical illness itself, these symptoms are often related to emotional or psychological factors. And why does this happen? Well, the reasons can be complex and quite varied. The most common factors that can contribute to somatization in children include emotional stress, problems at home or family, trauma, and mental health problems such as depression or anxiety.


However, children can also somatize by imitating the behaviors of adults. For example, if a child sees that her mother always uses a physical symptom as a way to manage her distress, she may normalize this situation and imitate it.


This is how they express their concerns

We all know what it's like to have a knot in our stomach when faced with a distressing situation, or the headache we sometimes get due to stress. However, it is difficult for us to recognize that our children may be going through difficult times from an emotional point of view and that this makes them feel bad.


It is easier for us older people to express ourselves, we can say: "I'm fed up with my boss" or "I'm having a hard time making ends meet." But children do not have this highly developed capacity and, from time to time, they express their concerns in other ways.


A visit to the pediatrician is essential

You always have to rule out the existence of a disease, and for that, you have to go to the doctor. If the pediatrician does not find reasons to justify the symptoms, we will have to make an effort to understand what is happening to our child. Don't you want to go to school? Because? Does he have an exam? Should he hand in work that he hasn't finished? Is there any subject that you dislike? How does he get along with his group of friends? Who does he play with at recess?


Of course, we don't have to wait for symptoms to find out how our child spends the day at school! Otherwise, he could interpret that we pay more attention to him when he is sick, and in doing so we would be encouraging him to act sick. No, it is about knowing his reality every day, allowing him to tell us what worries him and what burdens him. He has to feel equally loved when things are going well as when it seems like everything is going poorly.


You have to look for the reason

There may be other reasons for a stomach ache or headache: too high a level of demand and the fear of disappointing parents' expectations, or witnessing arguments between mom and dad and fearing that they will separate... Some children may think that their alleged illness makes their parents agree, which encourages the symptoms to continue.


Just because there is no illness behind your headache or stomach ache does not mean that nothing is wrong with you. Even if it seems like he has a lot to say, we should look for the reason for his rejection of school without getting angry with him.


Insisting that there is nothing wrong with him or that he is kidding us can be counterproductive: the child will feel worse and this can aggravate the symptoms and make treatment more difficult. The correct thing is to recognize the child's discomfort from the beginning and explain that it may be due, in part, to psychological problems. The parents' common sense, in addition to the pediatrician's advice, will help it recover. Only in rare cases, when the stomach or headache pain lasts longer than necessary or is repeated excessively frequently, will it be necessary to go to a child psychologist or psychiatrist.


What to do if you don't want to go to school

  • Do not focus attention on the symptom.
  • Pay attention to him, but prevent him from feeling rewarded for being sick.
  • Talk to him often, ask him about what worries him, and encourage him to express what he feels.
  • If there are problems at home, explain them in an age-appropriate way.
  • Talk to your teachers regularly.
  • Be understanding and patient. Keep in mind that symptoms may take time to disappear.