The age of the whys

If your child surprises you with four hundred questions a day such as 'Why does the water get wet', there is no doubt that he has entered the question stage. He wants to know everything and won't take no for an answer.

Children are tireless explorers. At first, when they barely manage language, this exploration focuses on the incessant manipulation of objects and an exhaustive investigation of the environment. And, suddenly, language, that powerful tool, flourishes, and with it come questions, which help them continue knowing the world.

They address parents because children do not assimilate reality directly, they need intermediaries and guides. The way the child relates to the world throughout his or her life will largely depend on the quality and availability of these guides.

A normal phase

The thing is that at this age the avalanche of questions is such that it can test our patience. Therefore, it is always good to remember that this is a normal phase and keep in mind our responsibility as parents.

Children's questions can be crazy, absurd, innumerable, and overwhelming... but that does not authorize us to belittle them, ignore them, or ridicule them. It has been shown that the most spontaneous and creative adults are those whose families, when they were children, encouraged open and unhindered expression and accepted the manifestations of children.

As language is a recent acquisition for them, they want to exercise their ability to ask and answer, with the corresponding intonation and grammatical form. This in itself amuses them, and that is why sometimes they do not even wait or seem to pay attention to the answer and limit themselves to chaining questions.

Nor should we be surprised that he asks the same question several times. Children like repetition and their certainties are confirmed over and over again. They also like predictability, reaffirming that such a question always corresponds to such an answer. There is no need to be surprised or angry.

An attention call

Sometimes questions are also a resource to seek our attention. Children enjoy the pleasure of us spending time with them and talking to them. So, the interest is more in the fact of making us talk than in the content of our responses. That is why there are "dialogues for breams" such as: "Why is the little dog barking?", "Because he is happy", "And why is he happy?".

In these cases, instead of calling the child annoying or telling him to shut up, we can try to turn the interrogation into a conversation. For example, let's counterattack with: "Do you get happy when they take you for a walk?", "Why do you get happy?", "Do you remember the little dog we saw yesterday?" As soon as he can, he will return with his questions, but we will have gone from an interrogation to a more equitable exchange.

Change roles

For example, if we get tired of answering the question: "Why do you put cream on your shoes?" with the well-known: "So that they shine", we can vary and answer with an absurd answer: "So that they can fly." A child of three or four years old is gullible, but not that much. If he answers: "But shoes can't fly," we can say "What are shoes for?" "Are there more things that are useful for walking?" This is how we will break the vicious circle.

Being clever does not mean ridiculing our child or laughing at him. He asks us questions because he trusts us. Our sarcasm, our evasion, or our silence will disappoint you and discourage you from continuing to ask. And with this, the only thing we will achieve is to limit their spontaneity and their impulse to communicate.

Encourage communication

The fact that questions are ignored, ridiculed, or punished ("shut up now, don't be annoying"), can lead to shyness. It can also cause adjustment problems or school failure.

There is no need to obsess over finding the precise answer, or complicated scientific explanations. Let's respond naturally and with common sense. The child will not always understand, but that is not so serious. The important thing is that he knows that the questions have answers, that he can look for them, and that we support him.

Whenever we can, we will take advantage of your questions to introduce new words and concepts. If the child asks us "why cars work", we will not yet be able to introduce him to the secrets of mechanics, but it is a good opportunity to introduce him to notions such as "wheel", "driver", "speed" or "gasoline", This enhances their observation skills and enriches their vocabulary.

Maybe, after trying to find an answer, the child barely hears it and gets distracted or moves on to another question. Let's not get angry or discouraged. The content does not matter as much as the mechanism of the communication itself.

Of course, we can't always be available for the trivia game, and sometimes we have the right to be exhausted. Then it is permissible to say: "Wait until I'm done with this and then I'll answer all your questions," and also: "Well, a few more questions and we'll leave it for tomorrow." The important thing is to leave the line of communication open and not convey that we don't like their questions.