We cannot forget that the postpartum period is a stage through which we move toward motherhood and that we must prepare for it just as we prepare for pregnancy.
We are at a time when women are increasingly preparing and informing themselves more about childbirth and parenting. We read more, we ask more, we listen to podcasts, and we want to know what to expect and how to do it in the most respectful way possible with ourselves and our creatures. We try to make a kind of “toolbox” to face what lies ahead, but many times we forget to train or acquire “tools” to face postpartum and the emotional and hormonal boom that accompanies it.
Being a mother is a vital crisis. A very abrupt change for which the strategies that we have used in other vital moments may not be useful.
Tips to deal with the postpartum
Today we want to share some tips that can help you feel better during the postpartum period:
Anticipate ambivalence and emotional discomfort.
You are facing an incredible life change, in a very vulnerable situation in which you also have to get to know your baby and get to know yourself as a mother. The probability of having moments of light and others of great darkness is very high, and it does not imply that there is anything wrong with you, it implies that you are adapting to your new reality.
Naturalize guilt: guilt and women.
- Guilt and motherhood. We spend a lot of time (and effort) trying to avoid guilt, and if there is one thing I have observed while accompanying mothers in therapy, it is that guilt, no matter how much we want it, is always there, making us believe that it is never enough, that we are not doing it well or That directly, we are bad mothers. The time we spend “fighting” with guilt wears us out, so try to talk to ourselves and remember mantras that help us lower the volume of guilt. Some of the mantras that we usually use in therapy are “I am doing the best I know and can”, “I am doing what I can with what I have”,“I am the mother my son needs.”
- Accept that on many occasions the best thing we can do is choose the most viable option, perhaps not ideal, but certainly the best among the options available to us. And this means learning to give up doing everything the way you thought you would before becoming a mother.
Express how you feel, without fear, without fear of being judged.
- Do it with those people who feel safe and who know that saying “I can't take it anymore” or “I'm exhausted” is not going to make you feel incorrect, incapable, or bad. If you don't have anyone to express yourself like this, try writing and responding as you would like others to do.
Find time for yourself,
- Understanding that you need to catch your breath, and recharge your energy and that although your baby needs to be with you, it will be of little use to a mother who is overwhelmed, stressed, and fed up with not being able to have a few minutes for herself. Others have to be there to ensure that you can recharge your batteries.
- It is likely that you have thought about the type of parenting or mother that you would like to be, perhaps it has meant too many objectives that are causing you tension, look for those minimums that you do need to feel comfortable and at the same time, that help you not have so many requirements to meet that they generate a lot of discomfort.
Pay more attention to what you are doing than to what remains to be done.
- Feed your baby, be her safe place, caress her, help her regulate. All of this has a lot of value, it is important and they are things that you are doing.
Train gratitude,
- And review those aspects of the day that have made you feel good or grateful.
Look for allies who help you set limits
- (and respect them), who give you time for yourself, who listen to you and understand you, who relieve you of tasks, and, above all, who remind you that you are doing very well.
Remember, you are not only your child's mother. You are a woman who is learning to be a mother and who is also many more things.
You don't have to be able to do everything, not even with everything alone, not with everything happy and without complaining.
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